


First and Only

by YoungSoon



Series: A Different World [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Blow Jobs, Bottom Eren Yeager, Confessional Sex, First Time, Fluff and Smut, Hand Jobs, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, New Relationship, Romance, Smut, Yaoi, ereri
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-27
Updated: 2017-05-27
Packaged: 2018-11-05 12:27:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11013429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YoungSoon/pseuds/YoungSoon
Summary: Levi has too many regrets, too many losses, too many sacrifices in this endless war for survival. Not anymore. There is someone he doesn't want to lose, someone he will never sacrifice and someone he doesn't want to have any regrets about. For the first time he is ready to be truly open about he feels and only forhim.





	First and Only

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by this voice over: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vUCZLnm_A-E  
> And this song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YJu05VJee2Y

Eren’s heart has sunk in his stomach as he gently knocks on the door of captain’s room. He doesn’t have have a slightest clue why he was asked to come to the upper ranks private wing, nor why he was asked to come so late at night. Had he unknowingly done something to upset the captain? Or maybe he was up for a stern pep talk knowing the countless operations planned starting from mere days from now?

He takes a deep breath and enters the room. The captain is standing with his back to the door, eyes directed at something outside the diamond window. His cape and jacket are gone, his white dress-shirt clinging onto his broad shoulders. The harnesses from the 3D gear are still on, tightened around his chest, waist and thighs and Eren feels underdressed with his resting on his bed in the dormitory. He’s wearing his civilian clothes and regrets the choice wholeheartedly.

“Captain Levi,” he speaks up and swallows probably too obviously and loudly as he dares to speak first. “You had requested for me to come and see you,” he continues and feels his mouth go dry. The man, who now had turned his head to look at Eren through his charcoal black bangs, made Eren’s heart race for many reasons. Right now the reason was through and through anxiety.

“Lock the door,” the captain instructs simply and steps away from the window, making his way towards Eren who fiddles with the key with shaking hands, levels of his anxiousness reaching the heights of the colossal titan right now.

“I want you to listen to me very carefully. I will be able to say all this only once,” Levi is now barely an arm's length away from Eren, who is almost pressing his back against the door. The latter is a ball of nerves right now and his eyes wander around the room just like the ones of a trapped animal.

“Look at me, Eren,” he instructs, Eren’s eyes finding comfort in looking at the floor up till that point. The younger of the two meets Levi’s deep blue eyes and more than ever they are impossible to read. They seem almost dead, but in some odd way they are incredibly alive and filled with mysteries - like bottomless lakes that ooze something menacing, but captivating.

“I’m sorry for coming across like this, scaring you so much. I truly wish you wouldn’t be afraid of me,” Levi speaks and Eren does his best to listen to every single word, trying to process the information that begins swirling around him.

“Life is incredibly short and fragile. I know it far too well. And so do you,” Levi’s eyes are the ones that wander for a second now but he regains his focus on Eren the very moment. “Those around us, the one’s we cherish and find dear, can be swept away any second and it has happened not just once before our very eyes,” his words make memories flash before Eren’s eyes in a distorted kaleidoscope of all the smiles of joy turning into tears of pain. His mother, his friends, his comrades - gone with no chance to get them back. Eren squeezes his eyes shut for a moment to focus on what the dark-haired male is saying instead of the vicious flashbacks.

“What’s left after that far too often is regret,” Levi continues, “Regrets of words we didn’t say and things we didn’t do, of all that could have been but now will never happen,” he goes silent for a moment and looks away from Eren before taking a deep breath and looking back at the wide-eyed boy.

“We can’t be sure how much time we have left. We might get torn to pieces tomorrow or after a month. Maybe we can pull through for a year or maybe even see the end of this fight for survival - whatever and whenever that would be,” his eyes have become even more alive and Eren can’t look away, he can’t stop listening - not that he would ever want to as it seems the captain has a lot to pour out as he continues.

“I want to spend the time I have left, no matter how long or short, with no regrets, with no maybe’s floating around my head, with no words left unsaid,” there is so much passion in Levi’s voice, he could gather hundreds of soldiers for a suicide mission. Yet all this was directed at Eren, making the latter’s heart race so loudly in his chest it almost tuned Levi’s voice out.

“What I want to have is some other meaning, some other purpose to my time apart from wielding a blade. What I want … is you,” Eren holds his breath, eyes wide and shocked as he looks at his captain before him. “Eren,” Levi takes a step closer, almost no space left between them, “I love you,” he lets the three unbelievable word past his lips and Eren is at loss for words. He doesn’t know what to do or how to act or how to calm his racing heart down, how to get even one word over his trembling lips. He has suddenly gone mute and numb, yet extremely aware of every second passing and the half minute he stays silent is excruciating for him and probably even more for the raven-hair.

“At least now… there will be no regrets,” Levi takes a step back to where he was before, the sparkle in his eyes dying down for no other reason but Eren’s silence. “I don’t want to force an answer from you, but I must ask anyway - what do you feel? Would you at least ease whatever time I have left here with the thought that you don’t fear me anymore… if you don’t feel anything else.”

Eren is absolutely dazed at this point and doesn’t even understand what he feels right now. Is it joy or shock or disbelief? Or maybe all three making his head spin and his words to remain stuck in his throat. Does he fear Levi? No, he has never truly feared him the way it could be imagine, the way it has obviously came across. He knows he can’t keep silent, he can’t let the waves in those bottomless lakes to disappear.

“The same!” he exclaims too loudly, borderline yelling. “I feel the same! I…” he gets tangled up in his own thoughts and loses sense of reality for one second in which Levi is suddenly so close to him again, Eren is sure the shorter man can clearly hear the younger one’s heart racing like crazy in his chest.

“What is that feeling?” Levi almost teases, yet he seems almost too serious for it to be teasing.

“I… I love you, capt… Levi,” he forces the words out and the weight holding him back is lifted from his chest. “I love you and I don’t want to regret anything if I lose you, no, rather I don’t want to lose you. I…” if before Eren couldn’t say a word then now he can’t stop them flowing from his lips. He wants to the same - he wants to pour his heart out and not leave a single word unsaid, yet he is stopped in a way he didn’t expect.

Levi’s hilt-roughed hands cup his cheeks and pull him down, the captain's lips pressing against Eren’s. He doesn’t miss the chance, as the younger one’s lips were parted mid word, and slips his tongue into the shocked boys mouth. It makes the latter gasp, his eye bigger than ever, but the shock melts away into the pleasant tingles running over his skin and he relaxes into the kiss. His hands grab onto the harnesses around Levi’s waist, his eyes flutter shut as he boldly responds to the kiss. He copies the movements the older does and kiss grows in speed, passion and depth taking Eren’s breath away.

“Levi…” the teal-eyed boy gasps, the kiss being broken. “Levi, I…” he can barely hold back his overwhelming excitement as the captain - his captain - is more than just close to him. His lips are pressing small kisses on Eren’s neck, his rough hands have left his cheeks and settled on his waist and nearly slipping under his shirt.

“Mmm?” Levi hums against Eren’s neck and the latter tightens his grip on the harness.

“I don’t want to have any maybe’s left after tonight,” he says and the deep blue eyes meets his the very moment. “You said it yourself - we don’t know what will tomorrow bring, so… I don’t want to have anything missing when my life would flash before my eyes,” he continues with a sad smile and looks away. The roughed hands return to his cheeks and he is made to look at Levi again.

“I wouldn’t let anything happen to you. Ever,” he seems so stubbornly serious it’s more like the captain everyone knew, but the heavy, emotional undertone in his voice makes Eren’s heart to flutter. “But I fully understand this need,” Levi ads and kisses Eren again, this time just their lips dancing in a virtuous sync, making the younger dizzy even more than the deep kiss before.

He feels how Levi starts to move backwards and desperately not wanting to lose the contact - the feeling of Levi’s lips on his - Eren moves along. He follows along the light turn in the movement, hands still gripping onto the leather straps around the older one, and submits to ending the kiss when his shins hit the bed. His balance disappears the moment Levi pulls away and he sits down on the bed with an ‘uph’. The captain is now towering over him and the younger must have lost his mind, but he can swear there’s a smile on Levi’s lips and he feels his own mouth gaping open at the sight.

The smirk only grows bigger at the sight of Eren’s reaction. The latter closes his mouth only to swallow loudly as Levi begins to undo the harnesses around his body. It’s a casual action which he is performing with no alternative motive, but Eren’s fingers begin to itch at the sight and he can’t keep quiet.

“Wait!” he exclaims and Levi raises and eyebrow. “Can I do it?” Eren asks and the smirk on Levi’s face is even more evident. He takes a step closer to the bed and Eren looks up, the angle reminding him of some lewd fantasies that had swarmed his head before. He tries to not think of them, his cheek definitely coloring red, as he fiddles with the straps and buckles with trembling hands. What doesn’t steady him is Levi’s fingers suddenly threading through his hair.

“I will sound creepy, but I have though more than once how nice it would be for someone else to take these off me,” Levi speaks calmly, almost in a sleepy voice. His fingers are gently threading through Eren’s brown locks and the latter feels even more blood rushing to his face, yet he manages to speak.

“Then I am creepy too, because I had thought about taking these off you,” he looks up meeting the deep blue eyes again and he regrets it a bit as he completely loses his focus which amuses the older one.

“You’re not as confident as you usually try to be, now are you?” he teases and finishes taking off the leather straps before getting closer - so close Eren can’t breathe properly. Levi’s knees sink into the mattress on either side of Eren’s lap and he gently pushes the younger me down, his eyes pinning him to the sheets.

“You’re… you’re not as intimidating… also…” Eren tries to counterattack, his sentence coming out as a mess rather than something coherent as his eyes follow Levi’s fingers as he undoes the buttons of his shirt one at the time. He is absolutely in control of the brown-haired boy even though he isn’t actually touching him. His weight, despite the position, is not resting on Eren and it is almost disappointing, but the view is worth it.

The white fabric leaves his shoulders revealing the toned chest and abdomen, battle scars and the permanent imprints of the gear straps across his chest not letting even for a second to forget the world they are in. His hands slip under the fabric of Eren’s shirt pushing it along as they move up until the shirt can be pulled over Eren’s head. Gently, almost feather lightly, his fingertips glide over the forming permanent bruise on Eren’s chest the gear leaves on everyone. Compared to his Eren’s are barely there but the straps have already began leaving their marks on the skin.

“How great would it be if you didn’t have these,” Levi near whispers his eyes on the bruise and his fingers running over it. “How wonderful would it be if you would be far away from all this, not knowing about the monsters behind the walls and the monsters fighting them,” for the first time Eren can identify the emotion in Levi’s eyes incredibly clearly, unfortunately it’s endless sadness and it’s heartbreaking to see the strongest weapon humanity has vulnerable.

“Then I wouldn’t have met you. You wouldn’t have met me. I don’t think it’s a better option at all,” Eren sits up and gathers all his faltering courage to lift his hands up and place his palms on Levi’s cheeks. “I wouldn’t change this reality - because of this evening alone - I wouldn’t change it for anything else.”

“Isn’t that selfish? Not exchanging mere 30 minutes from all your life for a possible better future for all the humanity?” Levi rests his hands on top of Eren’s, keeping them in place, and leans his head just slightly to press a kiss on the base of the younger one’s palm.

“We have all this responsibility on our shoulders day after day,” Eren speaks despite the blush that has crept back into his cheeks from the captain’s gentle actions, “I think we deserve to be a bit selfish. Don’t we, Levi?” he asks, silently loving how it feels to have other’s name fall from his lips.

“If that’s how it is I must be an old sentimental fool for wishing you were safe,” Levi smiles and Eren still can’t wrap his mind around the light curve of the always expressionless lips. His mind comes up only with one rational decision and he goes for it straight away - kissing Levi.

“I already am. I am safe with you,” Eren whispers against Levi’s lips, resting their foreheads together, their noses touching, his hands still on Levi’s cheeks.

New set of waves rush over the lakes in Levi’s eyes and he kisses Eren back, pushing him down on the bed again. The younger one wraps his arms around the captain’s shoulders, their half naked bodies meeting as close as possible, Levis weight finally on Eren before the he re-settles between the boys legs. His heat wraps around the boy beneath him, mixing with his and even though it’s nothing more but kissing - lips in sync, tongues meeting, teeth pulling on the soft flesh tenderly - each piece of clothing still covering them feels like a winter blanket on a steaming summer day.

It gets only worse when Levi begins to lay kisses all over Eren’s skin. He starts with a final peck on the younger one’s already kiss bruised lips before moving down his neck and shoulders. He pays special attention to the curve connecting the two while his hands cares Eren’s sides - thumbs drawing soothing circles on the still smooth skin. His kisses make a trail down Eren’s chest, over the imprint of the harness, and his tongue tesingly runs over one, then other nipple, lips curling into a smirk against Eren’s skin as the latter shivers and barely manages to swallow a traitorous gasp.

“I am your first, right?” Levi asks, his tongue swirling around one of the hardened nubs before he closes his lips around it, giving it a light suck, while his hand has moved to the other rubbing it with his thumb.

“Y… ye… yes,” Eren can barely control his voice as it shakes and it’s even harder to control his body that wants to move up and grind against something, wishing for a touch in places still hidden by clothes.

“Do you trust me then?” comes another question and Levi’s face is at the same level as Eren’s, their eyes locking.

“Yes. Completely,” the younger nods eagerly, despite the red hue in his cheeks. No regrets, no maybe’s, no thoughts of how it could have been - he wanted none of that to come upon him at one point. Levi’s soft gaze and gentle touches, the sensation of his lips and all other that will come - those were the memories Eren wanted to have, to share with his captain at the moment when the end would inevitably come, even if it was years in future.

“I’d trust you with my life,” Eren ads and receives a short kiss as a response.

“It’s not going to be that dangerous. I promise you,” Levi remarks in an almost joking manner and Eren is taken aback again. Was this really his captain? The man so bruised by this war he came out rough and even mean more than just often? Was he this laid back because of Eren?

The latter's thoughts are silenced when Levi’s lips are back on his skin now moving down his abdomen and the scars forming there. His fingers undo Eren’s pants quickly and swiftly, giving more skin for his lips to touch and new wave of heat goes to Eren’s cheeks as the bulge in his pants is undeniable. It doesn’t seem that Levi is bother, on the contrary he seems pleased.

His lips and tongue return to Eren’s still hardened nipples, yet his hand glides over the tent in the younger ones pants finally earning a proper gasp. “That’s it. Don’t hold back,” the raven-hair murmurs against Eren’s skin as his hand slips into his pants. His fingers firmly yet gently wrap around the younger one’s erection earning a gasp mixed with a moan from the teal-eyed boy. The first stroke alone, first movement of the wrist brings out the most wonderful sounds from Eren’s lips and makes the his hips to move up, thrusting into Levi’s hand.

“There’s no rush. No need to race to the finish yet,” Levi whispers against the Eren’s ear, continuously moving his hand, and locks his lips around a patch of skin behind Eren’s ear sucking and biting on it. His hand doesn’t waver a bit in rhythm - his thumb wiping over the leaking slit, slicking the shaft and making it easier for his hand to move. The sounds coming from Eren - the moans, the groans, the whimpers - are wonderful, mixing with the lewd sound of Levi’s hand moving. The younger one’s hands grab onto Levi’s upper arms in death grip as he does his best to hold his body still.

“But if you want to, you can let go,” Levi breathes into Eren’s ear again and he doesn’t have to repeat himself. Eren’s hips begin to move as he pushes more into Levi’s hand while hiding his face against the older one’s shoulder. He let’s out a cry - a strained moan - as he cums all over the captain's hand in less than a minute, his breathing now fast and uneven, his face flushed red, eyes big and glossy.

“Messy as always,” the older smirks and pulls his hand out of Eren’s pants. He waits until Eren is looking at the sticky white mess between his fingers aswell before licking some of it off his fingers. “Do I always have to clean after you?” he quirks an eyebrow and with nothing more being said Eren pulls his hand close and licks at Levi’s fingers cleaning off his own release. All Levi can do is watch wide eyed as Eren licks and eagerly sucks on his fingers until they are dripping wet.

“I can clean after myself,” the younger breathes out and for once Levi can’t reply in any other way but kissing the flushed boy deeply, earning most pleasant moan from him that vibrates through the kiss. He doesn’t break the lip-lock as he moves aside, pulling Eren’s pants off single handedly and reluctantly ends the rapidly escalating kiss only to remove the final pieces of clothing he was still wearing himself.

It’s odd that he knows that despite the situation- the heated air of the room, their aroused bodies and primal urges - Eren’s eyes wander too the deeply set scars enveloping his thighs just like his are focused on the slowly forming one’s on Eren’s skin. No, he couldn’t focus on the reality they were a part of for any longer. He wasn’t allowed to think of ranks and duties, not when all he truly wanted was before him - gloriously naked, with skin flushed pink and cock again or rather still hard.

Almost like a hunter who has just eyed his prey Levi moves forward, settling on the mattress between Eren’s legs. His hands glide over the reality marked skin first from the outer thigh and then moving inwards, spreading the long legs even more. Levi’s lips follow the example of his hands and trace over Eren’s inner thighs, loving each shiver that waves through the younger one’s body.

Teasingly he wraps his fingers around Eren’s still hard manhood and gives it a few firm strokes, another set of shaky moans escaping from the boy's lips. “Eren, look at me,” he gently bites onto his left thigh to get attention and is greeted by the teal eyes as Eren props up on his elbows. His cheeks are beautiful deep pink, lips parted and eye shiny. However Levi appreciates the art before his eyes for just few seconds before letting his tongue run over the slick slit of Eren’s throbbing shaft.

There’s a loud gasp and Levi decides not to look up for now. He runs his tongue over the few thicker veins - bottom to top - and swirls his tongue around the head, the tip of it hitting the slit far too precisely for it to be an accident. The platheron of moans and groans are better than any music to his ears and the feeling of Eren solely focusing on him now is a green light for step two. He closes his lips around the tip giving it a strong suck before hollowing his cheeks and pushing his head down, taking as much of the shaft in as he could.

“Le… Levi…” Eren gasps and grabs onto the sheets with all his might. He can barely focus his vision since the moment Levi stood completely naked before him (he did his best to not think of the scars that were a vivid reminder of their gear and their duty), but now it’s gone completely wonky. He sees the black mane between his legs, the blue of his eyes gleaming from behind the bangs once in awhile, but the sensation is winning over. He can’t even properly describe it in any other words but ‘pure pleasure’.

His vision suddenly sharpens when he feels something alongside his shaft entering Levi’s mouth. For his surprise the slowly focusing view before him reveals Levi not only sucking on Eren’s manhood but also on his own fingers. He stops both when his eyes meets Eren’s and pulls back.

“Do you still trust me?” he ask and Eren just nods, probably more eagerly than he should. “Good,” Levi moves up just to kiss Eren for the nth time. He does his best distracting the younger one as his slicked fingers move south. There’s a yelp in the kiss when he swirls the digits around the ring of Eren’s opening and he stops everything just for a second.

“Relax. It will be a bit painful at the start but I promise it will feel great afterwards,” he explains honestly and Eren nods, pulling Levi back for a kiss again.

Levi doesn’t rush. He move his fingers slowly and meticulously, stretching and preparing his new lover as thoroughly as he can. He swallows all the moans and whimpers, this time not the ones of pleasure, with his lips and whispers encouragements against the panting lips. It’s a process long enough to reduce the very need for it, but not in their case. It was beyond just being physically close. It was more about something emotional, something spiritual and ethereal.

“Are you ready?” Levi asks as he rests the tip of his cock against the contracting and pulsating hole, prepared as much as possible. He hooks Eren’s legs on his elbows first and waits for an approval. There’s a nod and a silent ‘yes’ and it takes Levi himself few seconds before he gathers the courage he usually didn’t lack to push in. Yet again he is slow and as gentle as he can be as he sees the strained expression on Eren’s face - eyebrows knitted together, eyes squeezed shut and teeth sinking into a bruised lower lip.

It seems as even longer process to wait as soon as he is fully in. The tightness around him is mind blowing, Eren’s heat intoxicating and able to cloud the sharpest mind, but Levi remains still, completely motionless. He waits until Eren’s grip on the sheets loosens and his hands move to Levi’s forearms. The younger nods again and only then Levi moves.

He knows Eren is not fragile, he knows he can recover from torn of limbs and straight up kicks to the face, but to him at this very moment he was the most precious, most fragile thing on the earth. The thought of hurting him seems like a crime alone and Levi once more, being fully aware of his lovers nonexistent experience, starts slowly. He builds the pace rhythm gradually, his sole focus being Eren’s face that slowly blooms from being into uncomfortable into full pleasure, especially when Levi finally drops the precautions and hooks Eren’s knees onto his shoulders, gaining a better angle.

Eren’s eyes are wide and glossy, his mouth open in moans and whimpers and he is borderline drooling. The poor boy even tries to muffle the embarrassing sounds he’s making by covering his mouth with his hand, gently biting on his own palm, but there’s no use. There are countless droplets of sweat glistening on his skin in the dim candlelight and his voice bounces around the walls wonderfully completing the erotic sounds of skin slapping against skin, making it impossible for Levi to hold back any longer.

He moves the slender legs around his waist and leans forward, the sinful moans from Eren making him dizzy. He hand the hand from Eren’s mouth away interlocking their fingers and hungrily attacks the parted lips. “How about you don’t bit yourself? Might end very awkwardly if you bite down too hard,” Levi breathes out and let his lips to swallow another set of wanton whimpers.

“Levi! Levi! Levi!” Eren chants between kisses, his arms tightly wrapping around the captain’ shoulders, fingers tangling into the black mane. He pushes back to meet the precise thrusts of the man above him and he has lost all shame, all worries and all sense of reality living only for this moment. No regrets, no maybe’s, nothing left only as a possibility.

“Eren,” he feels Levi’s hot breathe against his lips. “Eren,” now it’s against his neck as the captain buries his face against the curve of it. “Eren,” he hears his word breathlessly falling from Levi’s lips again and it’s as if something snaps in him and his vision blurs with tears. He holds tighter to the man on top of him and lets out a scream - a twisted version of the captain’s name - as he cums for the second time between them. Everything feels more sensitive than ever before and the very filling of Levi’s hot release filling him up makes him moan out loud again.

He can’t stop the tears streaming down his cheeks and he doesn’t want to let go of Levi. Not now nor ever. His legs are still hooked around the man’s lower back, arms locked around his shoulders and just doesn’t want to let go. Letting go meant returning to the reality they both were a part of.

“Eren?” Levi finally speaks as he regains normal breathing and Eren hides his face against Levi’s shoulder, hot tear still falling from his eyes. “What’s wrong?” comes another question and the raven-hair tries to move but Eren just shakes his head and keeps him in place with all the strength he still had left in his worn out body. “Let me look at you, Eren,” Levi requests and unwillingly Eren loosens his grip.

The older one moves away just slightly. He finally slips out of the now emotional mess that is his lover and lowers his legs on the mattress. Softly he caresses the tear stained cheeks and plants kisses on the boys forehead, on the tip of his nose, on his closed eyelids, on his cheeks and finally on the corners of his mouth. “It’s okay. It’s okay,” he repeats and smoothes hair away from Eren’s face. He understands what’s going on in the younger one’s head now because he has the same thoughts running through his. Neither of them voices those horrible ideas, horrifying images out loud, at least not now.  The terrifying questions about future - either near or far - dealing with death and despair, inevitable somewhere along the way.

Levi gathers Eren in his arms, the latter slowly calming down and hiding against the older one’s chest immediately, locking his arms around the captain’s frame, and ignores his own thoughts. He disregards the norms of rank and duty. He pushes away the very fact that this will be something they will have to hide from others. Above all he stubbornly ignores the realization that now a loss will be hundred times harder than before, that now there will be even more regrets, even more unfulfilled maybe’s.

“I love you,” Levi whispers and presses a kiss on top of seemingly already asleep Eren’s head.

“I love you too,” comes a sleepy response in a voice still thick with tears and the boy snuggles closer to him. Be it a month, a year or a whole lifetime ahead of them, it was not something they had to await alone, something they would greet with countless regrets. Not anymore.


End file.
